One: Holy shit tagalong girlscout cookie blizzards at Dairy Queen are to fucking die for.

Two: Michelle Lynn why would you say something so fucking stupid to our mother and make her call me up at work bawling her eyes out? Congratulations, that was unusually cruel of you.

My journal is now boat-tastic, motherfucker.

I wish I cared about the internet anymore enough to do my own styles, but c'est la vie!

....... note to self make boat icon when you have nothing better to do. Five years from now.

I actually wrote this one in my car in the Walgreens parking lot at 3 in the morning while waiting for my prescriptions to get filled. I wrote it via text to a friend a couple weeks ago but kept forgetting to go back in my text history and copy it down outside the phone so it wasn't erased forever. So here we are.

If you don't know what these are, they're little mini-stories I write frequently for friends whenever an idea strikes. More often than not I write them to cheer my friends up, but they can be entirely random and no matter when I write them, they're only written for the sole purpose of making someone smile. I don't usually focus on the quality of writing, just the idea and the imagery.

I've been doing this for years now and I'm glad they still come to me at odd moments.

---

( Once upon a time -- not too long ago, in fact -- there was a little boy and a little girl who lived together on the edge of town. )

Medy: what went wrong in my childhood
Medy: I'm really not even sure
Asura: omg that conversation
Asura: made me squirm
Medy: see? I squirmed too, but for all the wrong reasons

Medy: .. maybe it's a better idea if I don't procreate
Asura: I agree.


In other news, I have finally found an adjective to adequately describe the sticky, nasty, clinging humidity of Florida where every time you walk outside it's like being in a sauna full of everyone else's evaporated sweat, congratulations! I hope you didn't want to feel clean today! and that adjective is "corpse-rotting" weather. Because that's exactly what this shit is good for.

Who doesn't want to feel like they just squeezed through a plumber's buttcrack like the world's dirtiest slip-n-slide?

Ain't dirty in a good way, either. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little too?

Medy: (818): Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Medy: ^ kind of true
Medy: more a texture thing though
Grell: ......
Grell: they feel funny
Medy: yes
Medy: who wants to put their mouth on something that feels like you're kissing an innertube covered in skin?
Medy: *thinks about it some more* an innertube filled with jelly I guess
Medy: ... like a jelly donut
Medy: dude how awesome would it be if you bit into a fake boob and red jelly oozed out
Medy: because that would be fucking win
Medy: especially if it tasted like donut filling

Medy: you know sometimes I wonder how my brain goes on these tangents
Medy: I can already hear Jean going "why are you so stupid?"
Asura: ...................
Asura: wow
Asura: you just...
Medy: Guilty as charged.
Medy: ... but at least I found a potential way to make fake boobs worthwhile.

I find myself putting in copious amounts of overtime more and more lately, which is humorous as I do not get paid a single dime for it, so it is all voluntary. (Congratulations for being on salary!)

Scheduled off at midnight, leaving at 2:30 in the morning? It's part of the job description.

That and I'm not a douchebag; I cannot in good conscience just say "lol goodbye" when Jason is the only one here to close past 12:30 AM and the overnights crew is completely clueless. And on the night of the new iPhone launch, no less.

It's okay though, I am thinking of kittens. And washing dishes, strangely. Perhaps I will wash kittens. :>a

Jean, as usual, is just mean:

ceylon: sigh 9_9 I'm still on a bridge call so
ceylon: I will be home late
daysgoby: oh sad the hookers are leaving at 2, too
ceylon: ;A; goddamnit

Things of Excitement Today:

1) French toast.
2) Season 2 of True Blood started last night.
3) Having the next two days off.


Things of Not-Excitement Today:

1) Having to go to work.
2) Being awake since 9 AM.
3) Ytf is Florida so freaking nasty / having to spend all morning driving around in this stupid heat and godforsaken eye-piercing light of Hey It's Fun to Be Blind!

Mm. French toast, though. Good stuff.

I am so glad I know how to cook, and that it's so freaking easy for me. (Not that french toast is particularly hard, and I cannot understand why there are people in existence who cannot make it...)

When you walked through the door, it was clear to me --
You're the one they adore, who they came to see.
You're a rockstar, and everybody wants you.
Player, who can really blame you?
We're--the--ones--who--made--you.

Updated my profile to something meaningful, deep, and important that provides insight into who I am.

You're the only good thing that's happened to me all day.

What is the logical course of action when your roommate/husband zombiewalks towards you with a box of cake mix at 6 in the morning and looks at you meaningfully with a Sad Face, pushing the box towards you? Even if you've only had one hour of sleep in the last forty hours?

Well, you bake a cake, of course.

I always get really really super bad ideas (that always sound like they're okay in my head at the time) when I haven't slept, so I would like to have at least one small nap today.

Please, God, please.

... If you're wondering, I normally sleep between 6 AM and 2 PM, which means I haven't slept since--

....... Interesting. My cat is a lesbian. .......... I wonder if she realizes she's not a boy while she's doing that t--

I'm going to roll over now.

Dear Dad,

I love you with all of my heart. I thank God that you are somehow miraculously still alive (you stubborn bastard), probably because you're incredibly freaking lucky. I tip my hat to your clever choices in timing; truly, the heart attack on my prom night was well-played, sir. You probably shouldn't have gone so far as to actually die on the table, though, because... well, the whole defibrillation thing didn't work out too well for you, considering it undid all the fixes the back surgery did on your lower spine. And who knew, a 6'2" man built like a truck, scared of anesthesia. Huh. (Well, I guess I don't blame you there.)

So after two heart attacks, spinal injuries, a bad back, a bad leg that's given you a permanent (but still manly, I promise) limp, AND cancer, I kind of think of you as an old car that's falling apart piece by piece (an old car I'm very fond of, all the same), but... well, you're here, and I love you. Now stop breaking yourself, please.

Thank you for all the things you taught me as a little girl, and for letting me do all the things you would've had a son do.

I'm still amused that I'm the only one of your daughters who can yell at you; someone has to fuss at you, and I'm the only one you'll listen to. Except when you decide to buy things behind my back for me and make me want to strangle you. I love you, but one of these days I will have to haul off and punch you.

I miss the quiet car rides we used to have when I was younger, and I love the way we've always had a mutual, unphaseable understanding of each other, and the way you always said "Don't tell your mother" whenever I got myself in trouble (remember the time I skinned my entire back alive?). PS: Thank you for rescuing my vibrator from mom. I still laugh at that.

I've no reason in particular for writing this; I was just thinking of you, and I wanted to write it down.

I love you, and at the end of the day, I cannot think of a better father, nor one I would love, admire, and respect more than I do you. In some ways, I will always be the little girl walking down to the end of the pier with you (no bigger than your knee), or stripping copper wire on the floor of the garage while you were working on engine repairs. So much of me has come from you, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

ceylon: ROOMMATE CHARGED IN CROWBAR DEATH
ceylon: are you preparing headlines early;;;
daysgoby: i would never
daysgoby: make a mess like that nor go to such extreme effort for a simple murder
ceylon: .......
ceylon: ;A;
ceylon: will it at least be a quick death do you think
daysgoby: It had better be a quiet one, i'll say that.
ceylon: ;/);
ceylon: oh do you want ranch or bbq with your chicken strips

Speaking of my imminent death, does anyone want a kitten?

Police seek blow-up doll sex bandit

Wed Jan 7, 2009 12:23pm EST

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man broke into three adult shops, had sex with blow up dolls named "Jungle Jane" and then dumped his plastic conquests in a nearby alley, local media reported Wednesday.

"It's totally bizarre. It's a real concern that someone like that is out on the street," said one of the owners of the adult sex shops in Cairns in northern Queensland state.

"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," the owner, who gave the name of Vogue, told the Cairns Post newspaper.

Police told the Cairns Post that scientific officers had taken DNA samples, fingerprints and pictures of the crime scene.

I love you, Reuters.

Woulda been 10x better if he'd sliced up the dolls before dumping them in the alley, but I guess Jr. hasn't gotten the stomach up for that yet.

So my birthday is comin' up and I decided to use the opportunity to collect seasons of Scrubs since it's one of the few shows I enjoy watching consistently and I never get to catch it on TV after work anymore.

If anyone wants to contribute to the collection thereof, lemme know:

http://search.deepdiscount.com/search?w=scrubs&

Scrubs Season 1 -- $28 -- Cash
Scrubs Season 2 -- $28 -- Mum & Dad???
Scrubs Season 3 -- $28 -- Shelley & Paul
Scrubs Season 4 -- $28
Scrubs Season 5 -- $28
Scrubs Season 6 -- $27


...... I can't think of anything else I can list right now so I'mma go back to bed and come back to this later.

KAM~ *A*/

I found your package as I was leaving for work today <33333

I'm eating the yan yan right now I LOVE YAN YAN especially the strawberry

by the way the note you included totally looks like it says "you shave with jean young lady!" we just thought you should know

I gave Jean first pick of the pretty tassels you sent and she picked green so I get to be gay with the lavender and pink, rofl

I haven't tried the rice cakes yet -- are those mochi? -- but I love strawberry so hey

also I thought the incense was drugs for a minute by pure virtue of the box saying "SUPER HIT"

I can't wait to get home tonight and try making the dango, I may need to pick up some skewers on the way home, I have a recipe but I may steal yours for the sake of convenience

:O=-- - thank you again itty bit I'll be sure to pick you up something appropriately horrible from Universal

---

Speaking of, hotel is booked for AWA. PTO and holidays all settled for my vacation this weekend. Need to go to Cash's Tuesday night to finalize packing plans, Kirsten's Wednesday night, then Thursday will be spent shopping with Cash for the trip. :)a

Then it's Universal and Islands of Adventure for two days, complete with clubbing in Orlando and A+ seats to Margaret Cho's show at the Hard Rock Cafe. Win win.

PTO isn't finalized for AWA yet because it's more than three months away, but we've started making the cosplay plans etc etc and all that. Kam, I think we're assuming you'll be sharing the hotel with us, I'll talk to you about it later since you're probably in class right now.

I SEE HOW IT IS

JOKE'S ON YOU YOUNG MAN, I WILL HAVE THE LAST WORD

[04:59] ceylon: SWEET DREAMS YOU'RE FIRED
[04:59] disposableninja: I was already fired!
[04:59] ceylon: shut up and go to bed
[04:59] *** "disposableninja" signed off at Sun May 18 04:59:54 2008.
[04:59] *** Error while sending IM: This user is currently not logged on

... Nnnnnghhh I think ripping apart and cleaning the TV room finally wore me out enough to sleep, but it feels like my bed divorced me and ran away somewhere exotic with a cuter, more sleep-inclined Spanish senorita.

This isn't an update on my life, as I don't care about the internet that much to bother updating every time I sneeze. Rest assured I'm doing fine and well! But most of you already know that.

So I don't forget, to myself--

Things I need to (try to) do today:
- make appt with dentist
- drop off prescriptions at walgreens
- rent The Incredibles per Jean and Hitchhiker's, both re: Okiko
- locate cellphone someway, somehow IT HAS TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE BY GOD
- rewrite policies, scrap FC page, redo game resources, rewrite app page, and if possible work on OC stuff for BMU site
- clean up front room
- code Lexi's layout (no I still haven't forgotten and I still love you, just been short on time)
- my god there aren't enough hours in a day
- should probably get baby flea meds the vet was OUT OF FLEA MEDS wth
- stop by mum's, check on her, give dad a kiss, borrow iron DO NOT FORGET THE IRON
- check on shelley and make sure her anxiety attacks are over


Less critically important things:
- try to find wheretf I put my dad's dogtags and my feather stone, as I discovered them missing from my purse magically and I have no idea when they went missing according to Jarrod they are at mum's, call and confirm this
- finish O-S-M setups, by the grace of god or something
- finish scene with Amy
- Satsue's meeting, I won't forget this but just in case
- talk to Scott about Jakkaru
- laundry
- newsfiles, are they reimplemented?
- organize music directory by character, you know you want to
- drag out all of my logs I keep meaning to post and actually post them on Ran and Saachan's journals


Things I don't need to do just in I think I'm forgetting them:
- pay bills, they're all paid
- wow I've already forgotten everything that was supposed to go here, nvmd this exercise in pointlessness

...... I think I woke up again, cripes.

Amy since you're not around to defend yourself I'm just going to blame my lack of sleep on you, okay? I knew you'd understand. Messa, stop hiding, we miss you.